cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
