i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
