I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
