All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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