Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!