I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?