Soap is not a condiment
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels