I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
