its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
