Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
