this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
