Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
