playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
