she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
