Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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