saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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