It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think my moral compass just broke
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
