I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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