Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
