I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
