I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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