my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My dick has a subreddit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
