im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
