He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize