I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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