I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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