i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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