pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
