Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
