his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
