Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
