i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize