Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
