Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
