I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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