We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
