Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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