By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
