wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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