I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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