I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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