I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
