he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
