I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
