remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
