is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
