I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
