just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
