I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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