she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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