the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
