She announced her abortion via fbk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Randomize
