How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
