I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
