so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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