just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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