i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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