His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
