Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
