i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
