so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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