There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
