Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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