do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
