He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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