I just saw a hot homeless man
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
