Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
