ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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