I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
