I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
