Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
