I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
