I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
