I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The Olympian is in my bed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
