...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
