Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
